Humbly Challenged

Wednesday was an interesting day for me.
I have a monthly meeting with a few other senior/lead pastors for prayer and mutual accountability. This past Wednesday was our third meeting. Our times together have been helpful and encouraging and God has blessed our praying for one another. I joined this group especially for my need for and conviction about personal accountability in the lives of Christians. I won't speak of what is going on with the other guys in the group, but I will mention what's going on with me. Our times of sharing personal struggles, etc. for prayer have been good, but not great. We have only met two other times, but we are still only sharing surface-level struggles, things that won't be too bad of a reflection on us. This level of sharing is expected, but not really helpful. 

Over the last couple of weeks, I feel like the Lord has been speaking to me about taking the next step toward vulnerability with the group. As we went around the group sharing, I did what I usually do. I just shared "surface" stuff. It was honest and I needed prayer about what I shared, but I know I needed to go deeper. In other words, I didn't do what God asked. I disobeyed. Thankfully, I serve a merciful God who gave me another chance. When the time came for the guys to pray for me, I took the opportunity to remind them (most of them already knew) of my past struggle with pornography (addiction). I mentioned that one of my areas of weakness is lust and that I had been struggling with this lately. Needless to say, it was humbling and a little scary to take that next step so I made that step a small one. The guys didn't seem to follow suit, but they did recognize and thank me for being willing to open up.

When we finished praying for me, one of the guys mentioned a mental picture that he saw and felt like he was supposed to share with me. The short version is that there was a sword in the picture that represented the Bible ("the sword of the Spirit"). My friend felt that God was saying that I was "familiar" with God's Word, but I needed to put it to use. I have been thinking about that over the last couple of days. Lord, help me to put your Word to use in my life. I am thankful that the Lord spoke to me through my friend, but I have to admit that it was humbling. I am standing in the middle of a circle of Senior Pastors and the Lord is speaking to me in front of all of them about an area that God is pointing out as a weakness in my spirituality. 

For a brief moment, I had some of those old feelings of insecurity come back, but the Holy Spirit continued to speak to me and remind me of the deep work he is doing in my spiritual life. He is God, he can do whatever he wants. He deserves nothing less than my all. I can't choose the outcome of situations, I just have to do my best to be faithful and obedient to what God says. He is a good, strong God. "I love the Lord, for he heard my voice; he heard my cry for mercy. Because he turned his ear to me, I will call on him as long as I live." Psalm 116:1-2

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