My Ramblings

At school, we are discussing Conflict Management and Change Management; how to lead through both conflict and change. Both pieces of that puzzle were a part of a meeting I lead recently. Last night was our monthly Leadership Meeting with the church Board and Ministry Leaders. Now, almost 15 hours since it ended and I am still processing my amazement with last night's meeting. To see our Leadership Team working through the process of change with each other was wondrous. God was definitely an influential part of what transpired. Team members were able to share their disagreements in an atmosphere of trust and encouragement. The meeting was not comfortable by any stretch of the imagination, but it was GOOD. We were exposed to leaders' passions for ministry and for the Lord. As a team we readjusted our ministry focus back to discipleship and more specifically to discipleship for children. I lead the meeting, but what took place could only come from the Lord....

I know that the Lord has been working on me. Often he uses circumstances and people to help form me. Lately, he has been doing the work himself and changing me from the inside out. I can't yet put into words my experiences. It has been almost overwhelming and at times disconcerting. Looking back over the last few weeks, I realize I can't go more than a couple of hours without being aware of God's strong presence around me or in me. I have now decided that I will choose not to be surprised or disturbed, but take the time to enjoy God's presence. Today I was reminded about the story from John 21 where Jesus is having breakfast with his disciples. With all the things that needed to be done and taught, Jesus chose to sit back and enjoy some time with his boys. If that is what God wants from me, I'm all for it.

Today started out tough. I was planning to spend all day in the library, so I got pretty early. From the moment I got up, I was pressed with issues that I am dealing with, most of which have to do with stuff at church. For about an hour I felt frustrated and fed up. I needed to get to the library, so do you know what I did? I finished my shower, sat on my bed, and spent some time with God. I spent over an hour with my God. It was not a 'good' hour. It was tough. I read my Bible, prayed, sang, complained, and listened, all without feeling better. Well, I did feel better, but only after about an hour. The Lord has been teaching me to spend time with him. He has been drawing me close and teaching me to listen. He has been teaching me patience. In the words of an acquaintance of mine, "Stop doing devotions and live devoted." All this is to say that I could have left for the library at any time without the much needed peace. For a change, I stayed and wor...

A week ago I had the chance to interview a servant-leader. The interview and a 7 page reflection paper was one of the assignments our cohort had. I had scheduled two different interviews, but one of my friends was on sabbatical and I decided not to bother him with work stuff. The interview I did was with my sectional presbyter. One of the purposes of the interview was to help us gain some insight into the area of self-leadership/self-care specifically related to avoiding burnout. The interview went well and I learned a lot. I ended the interview with a summary question about advice the interviewee might give to a young pastor desiring longevity in the ministry. The response was two-fold. First maintain a strong and intimate relationship with the Lord. Second, maintain a strong and intimate relationship with your wife. Communication is important! Talk about stuff. The biggest surprise of the day was my friend's response to a question regarding burnout. I hear stories of...

Over the past couple of weeks things have gotten better overall. There are still moments of feeling overwhelmed with many tasks to accomplish. I am realizing what my problem is. I am working so hard to take care of everything that I am neglecting the all important self-care. I struggle with feeling guilty about taking time to renew or refresh myself. My church needs me, my family needs me, God needs me, my community needs me, etc. Actually what they need is God in me. They need me to be strong, refreshed, and in-tune with God. I tell the same thing to new parents. It is easy for them to care so much for their new baby that they completely neglect themselves or each other. The best thing for the baby is to have healthy and happy parents. This is difficult early on as the baby doesn't sleep much. However, if the parents do not find a way to get some rest, they will soon find themselves unable to care for the baby. Who does that benefit? No one. The same is true for me....

Over the past couple of weeks things have gotten better overall. There are still moments of feeling overwhelmed with many tasks to accomplish. I am realizing what my problem is. I am working so hard to take care of everything that I am neglecting the all important self-care. I struggle with feeling guilty about taking time to renew or refresh myself. My church needs me, my family needs me, God needs me, my community needs me, etc. Actually what they need is God in me. They need me to be strong, refreshed, and in-tune with God. I tell the same thing to new parents. It is easy for them to care so much for their new baby that they completely neglect themselves or each other. The best thing for the baby is to have healthy and happy parents. This is difficult early on as the baby doesn't sleep much. However, if the parents do not find a way to get some rest, they will soon find themselves unable to care for the baby. Who does that benefit? No one. The same is...

Today seems especially tough for me. I have been physically ill the last couple of days. I have a million things that I need to do at church. I have a hundred things I need to do at home concerning our house, our cars, my children, my wife, etc. All of this seems to be building up over the last month and today is most difficult of all. I think the best way for me to articulate what is happening comes in two word pictures. First, my filter is missing. Everything I need to do seems URGENT. I feel like it all needs to be done right now. I know it's not all that urgent, but I can't shake that feeling. It is almost to the point of mental paralysis. Second, I am having a difficult (to say the least) time compartmentalizing. Usually, I can tuck stuff away and think about it later. Today I can't. It is all right there in front of me. I feel like I am being overloaded with no way to process all the information. Working on this blog is helping some. As I type this, my son is playing ...